The Language We Use

I recently was in a social gathering with professionals (some friends) who all work in the disability field. We all had been educated as graduate students to be progressive, positive, "person-first" in our thinking. Yet it was shocking to hear reference from a couple of my colleagues to a "downs student" and apologies for segregated schooling. Huh? It is NOT ok for neuro-typical people to refer to others by a disability label as their main identifier! In the autism community, people who have an autism spectrum disorder label refer to themselves as "autistics." And it is the right of anyone to call themselves anything they want. But I still hold fast to the notion that those of us who do not have disabilities must use person-first language. It's sort of like complaining about your mother. You can do it, but no one else can. For a take on the feelings about this, especially for those who have an intellectual disability label go to:
The R word: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112479383

Question: how do we react in community settings, social gatherings, and schools when someone uses language that we feel is offensive, demeaning, or just depersonalizing?